Handling Anger

At my ladies' Bible class yesterday, our teacher did a lesson on anger. When I first heard that was the topic, I thought to myself, that's not really something I need to hear, but I'll try and go anyway. How silly I was to think that! This lesson was exactly what I needed to hear!

I've been working with my four year old about handling his anger. I found a wonderful book called When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Spelman, that talks about different ways of handling anger. Going for a walk, talking to someone, taking deep breaths, things like this. Ironically, while attending my Bible study, I realized I needed a lesson on anger as much or more than my son does!

Our teacher broke down the causes of anger beautifully. Anger starts with expectations. When our expectations are not met, we become frustrated! If we don't handle our frustration well, we become angry and if we don't learn how to handle our anger then our anger can turn to rage.

The cycle looks like this:  

Expectations --> Frustration --> Anger --> Rage

I can't tell you how many times I've become frustrated or angry because my expectations were not met. This is especially true with my husband and children. One thing I struggle with is comparison. This is an area I really have to work on and pray about. I don't know what it is but for some reason other people always seem to have "greener grass." Their children seem to be better behaved than mine. They have a bigger house or are more organized. They take better vacations. Their husband buys them better gifts. The list can go on and on.

Lately I have been getting frustrated and sometimes angry with my son. Since my daughter was born he's been seeking out attention. Therefore, he'll act out more or make a mess to get my attention. Rather than embracing him and finding out the root of his frustration, I would get mad at him. When really, as a parent, it is my job to better address my expectations and get a handle on my own frustrations before I get angry. I'm not saying we can't ever be angry but controlling it is key.This doesn't just happen with my son but with my husband too. If he has to work late, for example, and I've had an exhausting day with the kids, my expectation tends to be that he would be home on time to help me out. When he's not I get frustrated, and then sometimes become angry with him. 

Another great point the teacher said was how our children see us, their parents, directly reflects on how they see God! If we are quick to become angry, they will see God as an angry God. If we show lots of love and compassion, they will see God as love and compassionate.

After talking with my husband about this last night, I've been seeking out verses to help me with my anger and learn more about how God handles anger. Here are some verses to consider.

Psalm 145: 8-9
The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

Since we are to be like Jesus, this is a great example of how we are to try and be. Slow to anger and rich in love! We are to be gracious and compassionate. 

Proverbs 22:24
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered.

This is why it's so important to surround ourselves with people who can control their anger. I mean who really likes being around someone who is hot-tempered? Or seems to be always angry? I know I don't!

Proverbs 21:19
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

Ouch! Another reason to control my anger and temper.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

If we struggle with this, let's get help! Anger seems to beget anger and our children will follow in our footsteps!

Psalm 4:4
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

This is another reminder that it's okay to be angry. It's how we handle our anger that's important. We are not to sin. 

How do you handle your anger?