Saturday, September 27, 2014

Losing an Unborn Child

My heart has been heavy with sorrow this past week. Our nephew and his wife tragically lost their first child. Our family is in shock and completely heartbroken as we mourn with them. Their baby was breech and the wife went in, per her doctor's recommendation, and had her baby turned. They were able to successfully turn him. However, two days later when she thought she was in labor, she went in and found out the baby had passed away. They told them that the cause of death cannot be determined. This leaves a lot of questions and most likely anger.

It's hard to write about these things. So many questions are left unanswered when a baby passes away, especially a baby who was completely healthy and due any day. Losing a baby at any time during pregnancy is hard. Losing a baby after giving birth is hard. Death is hard.

I really have no answers when tragedy like this happens. I think the only thing we can do is go to God in prayer and ask him. What is the purpose of allowing a woman to get pregnant, carry the baby to term, only to lose the baby before he's born? Sadly, one may never know the answer. I know I have questioned God after each of my miscarriages wondering why I was able to get pregnant only to lose the baby.

Life is not fair. It's hard. It's sad. It can be lonely and confusing. If you have lost a baby or child, whether born or unborn, I am deeply sorry. No words can heal your grief. No time can fully heal your heart. Death changes us. 

My mother died when she was 41. This was not fair. Most of my life I have been without her. My grandmother went into complete shock. She could not believe her child would die before her. I think it goes back to the fact that death is hard on those who survive. And my grandmother had 41 years with my mother and it was still very, very hard on her and all of us.

Where does that leave us? Some times you question, why I am left but my child is gone? Why did my child die? These are tough questions and you may never know the answer to them. During death we must lean on those who are still alive and reach out for comfort. Go to God in prayer. Question Him, ask him why. It's okay to wonder why. God is tough, He can handle it. But also ask for peace. Ask for healing. 

Many times a woman will ask herself if she should try again to have another baby. With all the heartbreak from losing the unborn child or alive child, she wonders is pregnancy worth it? This is a personal choice. For me, it was. I had my son then had 4 miscarriages. Finally, during my 6th pregnancy, I was pregnant with my daughter. If I would have stopped trying, she would not be here. You never know what the future holds. You never know if God will bless you with another child. It goes back to trusting him. I don't know why he made my body have a hard time getting pregnant with a healthy child. I don't know why God let me lose 4 unborn babies. But I do know that he has blessed me immensely with two precious healthy children. I don't take my two children for granted. I know they are blessings from God. All children are blessings from God. Whether you are a single mother, adopted a child, had an uneventful pregnancy and birth experience, or even lost your child. Even the unborn children are blessings from God. One day, I look forward to meeting my four babies in Heaven. Even if they never walked on this earth with me, I have the hope and peace of meeting them one day. 

This was one of my grandmother's favorite verses that she quoted to me often. I'm not sure why she quoted it to me so many times but it's what I thought of when writing this. She was one of the wisest and most spiritual persons I have ever known. May it give you peace as you pray to God. If you don't know Jesus, message me, I'll be happy to share with you what I know. Or pick up a Bible, find a church. You can get through this. You are left with a purpose. Never forget your loved one(s), but don't stop living or believing in God. 


“Be careful for nothing, but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Philippians 4:6-8

The other verse that I hope will give you some encouragement is from Isaiah. God can give us strength. 

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

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